Constanza

Wow It called me the attention the design so I watched it, I'm glad I did! cool story and It's something many people can relate with, in the searching of a loved one!

Pietro

Congratulations on your story. What I love about it is the immediate empathy toward your protagonist and the emotional theme. Everything was clear to me and it felt like a deeply emotional drama with some investigative elements. In case you do want to think about this as an animation project, my suggestion to make it stronger is to create a metaphor and ad a specific adventure. What if the characters are animals, robots, or aliens? What could be a metaphor for a dysfunctional family where the mom has her husband abducted? (completely disregard my comment in case you do want to work on a live action drama/thriller)

Gabriel

Hello Team Luel! I really liked how you laid out the entire story and managed to understand the pacing of a mystery. You separate just enough plot points to move the story forward at the correct time for your type of story. However, one thing I find unclear is what exactly do the people in Brad's schools and Brad's best friend would know about Brad's father's abduction which actually leads me into my suggestion. Your plot twist in the end is very interesting, the mother being responsible for the abduction, however I'd suggest you give it more build-up. I interpreted that the focus of your story is the mystery of what happened to Brad's dad, audience engagement in a mystery comes in revealing clues that moves us through the story and keeps us guessing on what the truth is. I think it's important that you lay out clues that the dad was abducted and some misleading/unintelligible clues that later prove the mother was responsible. However these clues can't be obvious to the viewer or else they might figure out the surprise ending before hand. It's quite a writing challenge to write a mystery, so I think this is good work already!

Christina

Whoa, the plot twist at the end with Mom going to jail! What an adventure! I love your character designs, especially their cool hat shapes. The only part I found confusing were the lines "about what had happened to his dad because his dad was abducted. But his mom never end up telling him." When I heard that first line, I thought that it mean that Brad already knew about the abduction. If you cut the line "because his dad was abducted", I think it could be a cool way of building suspense -- that way, the audience learns about the abduction later, instead of in the beginning. Great story! I could see this as a live action drama film, too.