Gabriel

Hi everyone! Our project has been recently updated! Before it was an outline of our story but now it's the complete story reel! Thanks a lot to everyone who contributed with feedback!

Yenny (1 like)

Hello there! I like the plot of your story and the moral, i wish i could watch more actions, like how demostrate that mel is insecure? or things like that, But so far i think has a lot of potential guys

Erika (1 like)

Hi team Gabriel and Cameron! I love your art, the character design is really fun. It’s also fun that you turned a wolf in sheep’s clothing into a bear in bee’s clothing - very original!
I think this story could be stronger if you did more showing than telling. You made statements like she doesn’t have the courage to express her beliefs, but we don’t actually know what those beliefs are or why it matters that she doesn’t have the courage to express them. Showing this would give a lot more potential to make her relatable.
You could also turn her confrontation with Beary into a much more interesting point of tension by showing rather than telling. I can imagine him trying to intimidate her into being silent, which is something a lot of young people with strong opinions could relate to.
I was a little confused by how Mel makes the connection about her neighbor and the old queen. Was she reading a history book or maybe a book about politics? I like that you connected her with an older bee and that she got that inspiring advice, I just think the connection needs a little clarity.
The ending could also be made stronger if you added some sort of resolution with her family. Her parents got mad at her and dismissed her opinions, which causes a pretty big rift in a family dynamic. I would have personally related more if the parents had been able to apologize and learn from their mistake of not listening to her. I think this is the one area that has the strongest emotional draw and you could lean heavily into the family connection to emphasize the emotional affects of not being listened to or taken seriously.
I hope you continue to expound on this and flesh it it out more in the future, it’s great stuff!

Marijke (1 like)

Great story and I love the lesson learned. The characters are great!
I see that this is a placeholder; can't wait to see the full release. I hope there are more drawings and it would be great to see the low point and how Mel get's to the point of uncovering the bear.

Taylor (1 like)

I really like your story and the message it carries is a powerful one. The character design is unique and I love the details!

Madeleine (1 like)

Hi Team Gabriel and Cameron, congratulations on a great story reel! I really enjoyed your drawings. What I found unclear was how Mel discovers her neighbor Sadie was the one that overthrew the Queen, and how did Sadie do it? Was the Bee Queen also corrupt? A suggestion I have to make your story stronger would be to develop this part of the story further.

Fiona (1 like)

Hahah wow, some really great elements to this and I love the moral