Brenda (1 like)

Your drawings are good and are fitting with the story. I like the way the dramatic music fits.

Kara

Thank you very much! I appreciate your time viewing our work. :)

Mark (2 likes)

I think you have a great concept here! It reminds me a bit of the album concept for Styx's "Paradise Theater" from the 1980s. I love live theatrical performance, and I understand that feeling of romance and nostalgia for that bygone era when theaters were the pinnacle of entertainment venues that you are trying to capture and portray in your story. It seems, though, that your final submission is less of a story reel (an exposition of the "acts" and "scenes" that will eventually become your animated short . . . or a "dress rehearsal" for a performance, to use the theatrical verncular), and more of a synopsis or summary. I think your story reel would be stronger if, instead of explaining what your story is about, you actually try to tell your story. Two ways you might approach this . . . (1) Have the Majestic tell its own story, from the first person perspective. Have you ever listened to an elderly person who is a really good storyteller talk about "the good old days," and been utterly entranced? Imagine the Majestic describing the shows like an old memory keeper of the golden era of theater: "Dimly lit, the stage was like another world. In this fantasy twilight, the orchestra would play, the music adding to the illusion, heightening the anticipation. The curtains would part. Graceful figures would glide into view. In silhouette, they would embrace. And then, they would dance. Oh, how they would dance!" (2) Tell the story of the Majestic through a Dialogue between the Majestic and the Crows. This should be easy to implement since you have already decided to use Crows as Characters (and a Plot Device) for your story. It could have a Q & A kind of feel. The crows would ask the questions your audience is asking themselves. With a kind of childlike innocence they could ask the Majestic: "Who are you?" "Why are you sad?" "How did you get like this?" "Were you always this way?" "What was it like back then?" "What's going to happen to you?" And the Majestic could answer their questions, and, in doing so, come to the realization that its existence was important, that it had meaning and worth. Isn't that what we are all trying to do? Find meaning and purpose in our lives? If you take this approach, I imagine you will be able to deliver your story with much more power and emotional impact, and your audience will be spell bound. All the best to you in your future creative endeavors, and Congratulations on Completing your Final Submission for the Story Xperiential!

Kara

Thank you very much! We really enjoyed reading your feedback. This is some great thinking. We truly are taking in all feedback from this process. We are hopeful to try again sometime. Congratulations to you and your team as well! I really enjoyed your team’s Story idea too. We read to our little one, and I love the idea of the story getting carried away. It reminds me of the story Goodnight Opus by Berkeley Breathed. :)

Nicole (1 like)

I really like the idea of the buildings been alive and that they created relationship with the crows. I find it a bit confusing why did the crows felt like helping the majestic, and what happens when their is no one performing does she re-plays an old performance? You have lovely drawings and story hope to see more!

Kara (1 like)

Hi Nicole! Thank you for your question. I assumed all cities have crows that live in the urban area, but now your question reminds me that maybe not all cities are plagued by cranky crows. :) I will remember this when I continue with the story.

Francisco (1 like)

Hi, there! I really like the drawing and the mood of the entire piece, the music and the narration help to create a unique atmosphere to it. :) I still think the idea of a building as a protagonist it is just genius.

Kara (1 like)

Thank you, we appreciate your thoughtful comments and enthusiastic support! :D

Enkhee (1 like)

I love your story and little sad atmosphere. Your drawings are lovely. I hope for the majestic true re-recognition soon!

Good luck with your future projects!

Kara

Thank you for your thoughtful comments. :)

Jonathan (1 like)

Very nice :)

Only critiques are the intro title is on the screen for a long time, and the first shots camera moves were a little confusing.

Great work!

Sarah (1 like)

I loved the concept for your story! The crows are fantastic, and I love the angle you took for this! Bravo on the story telling and art, keep going. I'd love to see more from you in the future!