Andres (1 like)

The art is very interesting but I dont understand so much the part of money

Álvaro

Well Society exist on the metaverse, everyone works inside doing several jobs, get paid, virtual money, and so they can buy things online or for real life, in the dystopian world ;)

Ani (1 like)

I love the story and the drawings. I was wondering: What kind of money he earns? bitcoin or something? What kind of food he eats?

Álvaro

Hello Ani! thanks for your interest! Yes, he earns digital money, which will help him on both, metaverse/ purchasing anything on real world. And while being of the metaverse, he can eats whatever he wants ( or have the sensation that he does so) A revolutionary Substance on the real world, called "manna" keeps him hydrous/ healthy for long periods of time, while being connected on his machine. Hope this clear your doubts. Thanks!!

Ani (1 like)

I love the story. I was wondering if in this metaverse he earns money (bitcoin or something) What kind of food he eat?

Skye (2 likes)

First off-- wow, you're the first people I've seen in this round of Xperiential to use foley, that's amazing. Whoever did your music and sound effects stuff, I REALLY hand it to them. They understand the power of sound, even down to things like the ambience of nature adding SO much to a visual, or you even understood the abstract nature of adding in a WHOOSH riser noise to symbolize where Cian is entering or exiting a flashback!! That's a type of noise that people instinctively understand without putting their finger on it, so great job breaking down the tricks of the trade. All the sounds-- children laughing, news music, howling wind, thunder, rumbling-- all those TECH noises!! Think about how many different types of noises we associate with technology, and how they're all different from each other! So many choices, great job not just using one noise and being done with that.

Other things of note -- whoever designed the characters, you created such wonderfully strong shapes for everyone. To be able to recognize a silhouette in a storyboard is an impressive thing. Whether it's the far more stylized world of the metaverse (SO cool that you actually created a different style for real humans vs. metahumans!!) or the people in the real world, there's a clear throughline through every image that makes it easy to tell who's who. Super-clear framing throughout and non-intrusive backgrounds that seemingly do their job effortlessly. Great use of your greyscale to make the drawings appealing AND readable. I really like the texture you put sometimes in the grey-- how'd you do that?

Couple questions -- is it a limitation of your art and editing tools that make it so this video had to be watched in a lil' square in the middle of a giant grey border? When I saw this the first time, I thought maybe it was going to cut OUT of the grey border whenever Cian was outside of the metaverse to distinguish between a "screen" world versus a real one, but it stayed consistent throughout! I think it'd be a real service for your wonderful drawings if you could get 'em right up to the front of the screen. : ) They deserve the best.

I assume I don't need to ask if Nausicaä: The Valley of the Wind had any influence on those suits in the outside world-- so classy and intriguing! Cian finding a stranger in the wasteland was DEFINITELY the pinnacle of interest during the story. I love stories about people who are isolated and then that isolation is disrupted somehow-- whether by one person or a few who challenge their way of life-- or by them having to change environments... it's one of the most solid ways to start a story, I think. You know, the old "the last man on earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock at the door." story. Some great sci-fi examples of this that I can think of are, like... Moon, Z for Zachariah, Passengers... I enjoyed the fakeout where Cian hesitates to go out to search for this mysterious stranger again, then does so, only for them not to be found. I think that's an often forgotten tool of storytelling. When you're search for something in a story, sometimes, it's good to just have them outrightly find nothing a couple times first, and to play with those expectations, so it feels fresh and natural when they actually DO find said thing.

Leading me to the reveal at the end-- how exactly did Cian and his sister get separated? It wasn't hinted at in the flashback, and I thought that'd be a perfect place to add that! Or is it that... they weren't separated, and they just haven't seen each other for a long time, because she chose to be untethered to the metaverse? At any rate, a reveal like that's gotta feel earned in some way, through something narratively placed earlier in the story.

Lots of questions -- do some people just NEVER leave the Metaverse? I'm just trying to gauge how long Cian stays in the Metaverse at a time, unless some malfunction keeps him from it. Seeing that Cian has a phone just made me wonder if he actually spends a considerable amount of time on his phone, too, hahaha. Funny how a detail like a phone in a sci-fi story can raise ALL sorts of questions. And how far away is Cian from any one else in the world? Were they always so far removed? Is everyone just super-separated from each other? I'd just think that, metaverse or no, it'd be super-convenient for people to live close to each other, y'know... live off the same power grid, etc. All kinds of worldbuilding questions to think about, and you've actually answered quite a few yourself! I really enjoyed the drone and maintenance robot stuff you included to help us see the sorts of physical assistance necessary in a world like this. I also really enjoyed the little detail of Cian's favourite spot essentially being a digital version of his own world pre-apocalypse.

I think the ending needs something with a little more personal drive-- Cian, for the most part, has been kind of a passive person in this passive world. (Which is a great place for him to start a story, for SURE.) And then Cian reunites with his sister, who's obviously a bit of an active vagabond of sorts. That's really the perfect place for a story to start. What will Cian do, now that his sister has returned, and that plants have begun to grow again? Will he try to cultivate a garden? Will he go back to the metaverse and try to tell people the news? How will they react? Will they care? Will they believe him? If Cian hasn't been many places since the fallout, will he go with his sister to see what's become of the world? Are there interesting things happening that aren't in the metaverse that he can become a part of? The whole world has opened up for Cian.

Perhaps one easy fix to the ending would be to have Cian at least how more of a personal reaction to the new that plants have begun to grow. I want to see his look of wonder and shock-- when was the last time he's still a real plant?!! I'd honestly cry for joy if I were in his position. Maybe Cian now considers this place with the plants to be his new "favourite spot", like those green hills of his memories and the virtual landscape after that. A place that might still look less than ideal, but something beautiful's beginning to grow.

Also, I'm going to be copying-and-pasting this short little sentence on everyone who picks wall-to-wall narration on their final draft of their story: Think of all your favourite short films, both animated and non-animated, and think about how many of them have wall-to-wall narration. I think you'll see that, even when they were adapted from picture books and maintain a level of narration, there's lots of points where the narration stops, and we get to just appreciate storytelling without the narration. Especially if the visual is telling us everything we need to know, why add a narrator? The story spine and the final product are very different assignments, and while one could choose to add wall-to-wall narration (it IS certainly a choice), I think going a route of purely visual storytelling or letting the characters speak for themselves is too captivating a choice to not consider moving forward! ^_^

Plus, in your case, I actually think your story works exactly the way it is with just the few dialogue lines and the GREAT foley work. Try it! Delete the narration and just leave in your dialogue and foley. I think you'll be surprised by how much a person can understand.

Álvaro (1 like)

Well here goes a deeper reply into your questions ;) Once Again THANK YOU for the support & interest, Skye.

First, It's really wonderful to read you liked the character's design, aesthetics & sound effects...All's been put together by me.

About how I created that texture on drawings. It's thanks to a filter on Photoshop, called Noise, which will add that broke/ granulated effect into the layer. it's really useful. ;)

About why drawings are seen upon a grey layer, well I guess I thought it looked okay, and in the end I didn't want to resize all video to fit, as It kind of give a careless feel to it and saved me extra hours of work. I drew all frames together as a storyboard and then fit them of the animatic, that's why you see it that way, Might look better with a black background instead of a grey one. that's for sure :/

About references: Can you believe I have never seen Nausicaa? I will check it now. This world is inspired by all Futuristic Stuff I got in my head. And imagining what a not so far future might hold. I know I didn't finished or resolved many aspects of the plot on the video. But as I said to other Xperiential Fellows, What I wanted to achieve Is for the viewer to fantasize and imagine more of the story on his mind. To think about what had happened, why is the world that way, is that the current situation of all citizens? where's all the people? Why is his Sister outside... How long did Cian stayed inside the metaverse, and why did not cared or remembered his sister. Did they had a fight? Where are their parents? Did he had contact on the mobile with the friends from the metaverse? are those friends real people too?... etc

It's something that if i get to continue this project somehow, i'd love to tell.

And about the recommendations on how to improve the story, you're totally on the right thing, and I appreciate it. But as we know we didn't got more hours in the day to work. And for that I'm happy with how it turned out. Also the recommendation About seeing Cian's reaction as a way of clousure is indeed a really well and fitting frame. While drawing the last frames I thought it was perfect that way, cause if i shared a reaction...i'd have to continue with the rest ;-; but now...I might had added some more drawings.

To clousure I want to deeply Thank you for your Interest. You made my entire week!! Best of Greetings, wish you the best and Dream big!! btw if you want to keep contact I have instagram. @beaureve.98

Alvaro

Álvaro (1 like)

WOW!! What's All this Immense feedback? Thank you so much Skye!! I'll look at it closely and reply you :) But I Made this Story All by myself. No more team members. So I'm so very Graterful, you get to write so much on my project.

Tea (1 like)

I like how the story explores the Metaverse.

I enjoyed the music and sound effects.

The story moved along very fast. It was a bit confusing towards the end.

Overall a fun and imaginative story idea

Kim (1 like)

What I find compelling is this story of a ruined world, and that people have been kind of brainwashed into choosing to spend their time in a virtual replacement world. I love that the storytellers keep us in some suspense about that. I enjoy the interaction with the IT support, and love that he's reunited with his sister. : ) Also, the visuals are absolutely beautiful.

Álvaro (1 like)

Thank you so much for those words Kim!! That's exactly what I wanted, To keep it Kind of Unresolved, and wanting you to get questions solved. I Also like that You can fantasize with this story on your head. Best greetings!!

Tomas (1 like)

Hi, I think you have a good story on your hands, I would like to know more about this world and its implications for humans.
It was not clear to me the relationship between the two worlds, I think it would be interesting to delve into that and give more time in the end, showing an internal conflict of the protagonist between his desire to live in the virtual world and his desire to stay with his sister

Álvaro

Thank you so much Tomas! Well on early submissions there is a bit more of explanations.. but overall with this story I wanted for the viewer to Imagine & play the possibilities on their mind. ;) Best Greetings!

Varian (1 like)

Hola! Salut and hello!
I'm glad to see you edited a bit of backstory into Cian's world. It rounds out up a little further.
I think your story has great potential and see a lot of option where it could be dragged a little more onto the darker side. I'm weak for drama and emotions, haha.
If there'd be one suggestions, I might have started with a the flashback left it as a "cliffhanger" for people and hook and continued with the actual now and here of Cian.

I'm looking forward to see some more of you in the future! Stay on it. Good luck!

Álvaro (1 like)

Hello Varian!! THANK YOU as always for commenting on my Story :) I really appreciate it!! Well, I know I didn't made a total closed story, but I just decided I wanted to give The viewer the essence of a plot and a world. And not to deep down much into it, Not because I hadn't had ideas. But it just felt right for this short film to leave it Kind of Unresolved, and wanting you to get questions solved. I Also like to think that You as viewer can get your own point, and fantasize with the motivations and questions popping on your head. Overhall the main message I wanted to give is that You might not need what everyone needs or do. Let yourself think as individual, out of the box and learn to enjoy daily life details more. Thank you again & Same to you!! Your story is beautiful. I'll check now!

Varian (1 like)

Totally get your point of view!!! I'm glad I found your story between all those fantastic entries.
Stay creative and open minded!!

Francisco (1 like)

Hola, Álvaro! Nice job! I really like how you conveyed two moods (the metaverse and the real world). My favorite sequence was the one about his memories — Personally, I like when the story shows the characters in different ages from their lifes. The drawings are clear and the style is great. Keep it up! :)

Álvaro (1 like)

¡¡Muchas Gracias!! I Know!! I really like to give backstory too But this time i wanted to leave a lot of questions unresolved to have a more open story. Un saludo!!

Hansen (1 like)

Love your drawings. They do a really good job of helping me visualize your story. Some of the best visual storyboarding I've seen, seriously!

My only suggestion would for Cian to meet his sister earlier in the story (around the midpoint), so that there is more time to explore questions about why she isn't in the metaverse, what happened to the world, and why staying in the metaverse is bad philosophically.

Álvaro

Thank you Hansen!! You really gave me one of the Best compliments ever!! i'm honored. And about Cian's sister...I know! Well you can imagine so much more of it. there are lots of details and plot that didn't make it on what you see now. I wanted to keep it with an opened ending. Thank you!! Glad you liked my story ;)

Ally (1 like)

I found myself completely immersed in your story! It was so interesting to see the contrast between the Metaverse and the real world, and I felt like the storyboards communicated that difference perfectly. I loved the part when the robot said, "bye human," it made me laugh! I also really liked the twist of Cian finding her sister, and how they decided to no longer live in the Metaverse (great song choice at the end). Overall, I seriously enjoyed your story, it is amazing!

Ally

Whoops, I made a typo: Cian finding his sister!

Álvaro

Don't you Worry!! I didn't notice either, "Cianna" ;P

Álvaro

Thank you, thank you & thank you Ally!! I'm really proud you felt immersed on it !! And that you liked the Robot part :) He's so silly. All the Best!!